Wednesday, September 9, 2015


It is so hard to live in a society that when you were a bright color they think that you're working in the hospital and when you make jokes and rying to be funny they don't take you serious.
It is so hard to hear every week that Monday is supposed to be crazy and Friday supposed to be a fun day.
It doesn't make sense to me that red and green belongs to Christmas, pink and yellow belongs to Eastern, for boys you should buy blue 4 girls you should buy pink !
I'm tired of looking at people who are acting like they're working so hard and they don't look at the  other  side of world .
Im tired of listen to stupid news stupid subject.
Everything is fake everybody's are fake don't judge me. I am nagging for these are not positive attitude. I think the world that were leaving is so different that I was raised. I don't care about others I learn to be sensitive I learn to be true honest I learn to not judge anyone I learn to be me but I can't be me anymore.

Friday, May 1, 2015

What and what and what!

Saw things with eyes that aI could ever imagine! Went trough situations that I couldn't imagine be! And every day I told myself is it gonna get worst than this! Where it is going to stop sliding down!

Monday, December 23, 2013

I miss everything and everyone!

My nostalgia remained in high temperature recently so bad . I miss my childhood I miss my friends I miss my family I miss my home my hometown my memories.
There is no cure for it there is no medicine no doctor cannot help me if they want to help me they just tell me to forget and break all of the bridges behind you and look forward to leave at the present. But I don't like this present I don't like it like this. I miss everything. I'm so homesick and I can't hide it why I have to hide it!

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Me and rainbow chard

    I was taking pictures for a company called San Miguel, they grow herbs and greens.
They just keep bringing bunches of greens one after another and I was taking them out to pose them for my camera lens.  It was a joy to take their pictures because each one of them has their own color, shades and energy. 
Suddenly they brought a big bunch beautiful leafy greens and various veined with colors, they call it Rainbow Chard

Rainbow Chard, Beautiful amazing piece of nature which we call "food". I cannot describe the way that these leaves were curled and standing so sharp and fresh. Each leaf has its own color stem, red, orange, purple and white. Rainbow Chard was really a green rainbow coming down to the ground. 
Besides, a rainbow is a reflection of light and water that is so soft and so untouchable but this rainbow was so strong and so reachable.

Rainbow Chards were telling me to just put my head on top of them and sleep on them like a pillow. 
I was so lucky to be able to have all of these leaves and take them home. It was the first time that I was holding this type of vegetable and I didn't know what to do with it. First I tried to wash them carefully, very mysteriously feeling touching the fluffy green and big leafs. I looked at them one by one turning them back turning them right, left and looking at them, each one of them, are an absolute beauty. 
It took so long for me to travel on each individual road on each leaf. It seems every single road goes to a different destination. I was lost for one hour on the slalom ladened ubiquitous roads of Rainbow Chard leafs. 

I kept asking what should I do with them! Should I dry them and hang them on the wall as a piece of nature's artwork or handcrafted of a great agricultural practice! But I had to try them as food and that's  what I was suppose to do with them. I kept them in the refrigerator because I couldn't see them to be chopped by knives.

Four days later I open the refrigerator and bravely enough took a sharp knife and start cutting them.
I almost wanted to cry. I couldn't see them diced in small pieces. I ruined all of the beauty that was a result of 60 days labor/ nature to grow this green!
But the truth is they work so hard to hand out healthy, heavenly products to customers like me.

I visited their website and choose one of the recipes made with my new lovely friend Rainbow Chard.

I found a bond between me and Rainbow Chard. I thought I can be her friend forever and stay loyal to her until death take us a part. Finally bravely enough I cooked them in the pan with some rice and chicken oh my... It was heaven. Yes my Rainbow Chard soup and dish made my family so happy and brought a different smile to their face. A smile like a Rainbow. I think now me and my family are all in love with Rainbow Chard. I believe I was able to cut a piece of rainbow from the sky and put it in our dinner table. Thanks nature to give us a pleasure of having Rainbow chard.

To check out San Miguel Products click on Cut'N Clean Website

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

A new home

I wish I could buy a house that doesn't have roof or walls.I wish my house could have a shower that I don't have to turn on the lights to brighten it, it should be just shinny with sunlight!  I wish I could have lots of flowers planted in my backyard not in the pot or community garden with lots of hungry gofers!
In my kitchen in my living room instead of the TV set I want to have trees. I wish I was able to sleep in my bed while I look at stars. I wish I could see the night owl and hear his voice singing blues. I can dream and nobody cant take me away from my sweet dreams .

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

ﺁﻳﻨﻪ Mirror

Whoever invented mirror I think was trying to show clear image of human to self. Because image on the water on the glass or anything else that has reflation doesn't show the real personality of each individual to his or herself!
If we were able to brave enough to look at our self only for half an hour everyday and think of what we do what we say and how we do it it will scare off enough to not be the same person tomorrow. I think they try to invent mirror to enjoy life here as a paradise but we misused the purpose of mirror. That's all.

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Things are changing so fast.

Everything is changing so rapidly around our life. people are letting the grass gets dry and places with shredded woods or stone.
Houses are getting abandoned because homeowners losing their jobs and they're moving with family or a group to be able to survive.

Friends are getting distantce because they don't  or they don't want to underestand each others anymore.
People get bored of food or furnitures so quick and then decide to quit!

Friday, June 7, 2013

It is too quite without you.

Today I had to get up from my bed. I am trying to not look at her bed. House is too quite without Binky, too heavy to live. Everywhere that I look I see her eyes, I see her beautiful brown shiny eyes under the couch on top of the carpet asking for a moment of hug.
I am picking a hat with the longest hood I don't want anybody look at my eyes. I can not stop crying.  I can't.I need my fairy gold Binky. The first positive impression of the day looking at her eyes. Talking pet love just for love and absolutely nothing else. Relationships between dogs and humans are so difficult to describe. Only people who've had already understood. But some dogs are so unique like my Binky. What makes it so hard to believe and cope with it. I cannot believe that she is not in my life anymore.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

She is not just a dog!

My baby Binky is really ill. She has been suffering from kidney failure & she is been melting and dissolving in front of my eyes. I have been in and out to the vet hospital for the past week or so and tried all I could to save her... to save her for me!
For some people it doesn't make sense but for those who've had the pleasure to live close by a truly loyal and genius dog makes a lot of meaning. For some she is just a dog, but for me Binky who lived closely with us for twelve years.
Binky for me is a person who understands me all the way without reciprocation expectations or  regret. My dog, or better to say my friend, walked with me through my life journey for years. She was asking me not to cry every time that I cried. She was telling me to be strong with her eyes every time that I was doubting life. For some, dogs are dogs who needs to walk and eat at a certain time. But for those who've had and have dogs like Binky, they know that they are not just... a dog!

Now I am in a situation to make a decision--- The hardest, harshest decision that I've ever made! I don't regret to have her ever for going through these days but I probably can not forgive myself to make this decision!  Tonight might be the last night that she'll  be sleeping close to my bed! But it is going to be so so hard to take one of the dogs bed out of my room next week! My heart is screaming now. I can not stop crying. I am talking to myself... "she is just a dog. Think of those moms who lost their sons or daughters!  Think of those who are sitting in a hospital bed close to their loved ones and holding their cold hands!
But I don't know how to ... I don't know... she is my best friend! Truly she is the best I ever had as a friend Innocent without any expectations. She instead gave me only love, pure love. In her round eyes she never lies to me she never treats me different or ever turns her back from me. She was always loving me no matter what, where or how. She is not just a dog she is twelve years of memories. She might have a tail but she means almost everything to me. Her tiny body carries a big soul always benefiting of her love every time that she looks at me. She gave us pure honesty without any limits. Her love to each one of my family members was different and based on their personality or age because she was created to be a healer. She is our darling friend forever...
Adding more to do this article or essay or whatever you wanna call it. Tonight is June 5 2013 my binky died two hours while I was holding her for the last time. She died like a human. So peacefully and calm. By the time that we arived to the emergency she lifts her hand looked at our wet eyes and took her last breath so deep! It was not eassy to watch her I don't know how I could walk with her dead body ! Her eyes were open and it was like she was talking. I don't how to walk to our house without her! She is everwhere... nobody understand ... how hard it is...I lost a great person which I named her Binky. I would nerver ever can find anyone like her.

Monday, April 29, 2013

اﻭﻟﻴﻦ ﺩﺧﺘﺮ ﺩﻧﻴﺎ

اﻭﻟﻴﻦ ﺩﺧﺘﺮ ﺩﻧﻴﺎ ﺩﺭ اﻭﻟﻴﻦ ﺭﻭﺯ ﺯﻧﺪﮔﻲ ﻣﺸﺘﺮﻙ اﻭﻟﻴﻦ ﻟﻨﮕﻪ ﮔﻮﺷﻮاﺭﻩ ﺯﻧﺪﮔﻴﺶ ﺭا ﻫﻨﮕﺎﻡ ﺷﺎﻫﺪ ﺑﻮﺩﻥ اﻭﻟﻴﻦ ﻧﺠﺎﺕ ﺯﻧﺪﮔﻴﺶ اﺯ ﺩﺳﺖ ﺩاﺩ. ﻓﺮﻳﺎﺩ ﻣﻴﺰﺩ ﻛﻪ ﺧﻮاﻫﺶ ﻣﻴﻜﻨﻢ ﮔﻮﺷﻮاﺭﻩ ااﻡ ﺭا ﺑﻪ ﻣﻦ ﭘﺲ ﺑﺪﻫﻴﺪ ﻭﻟﻲ ﭼﻮﻥ ﺑﺪ ﻳﻮﻡ ﺷﺪﻩ ﺑﻮﺩ ﺑﺎﻳﺪ ﺑﻪ ﺻﻨﺪﻭﻕ ﺻﺪﻗﺎﺕ ﻣﻴﺮﻓﺖ.
اﻳﻨﺠﺎ ﺑﻮﺩ ﻛﻪ ﺩﺧﺘﺮﻙ ﻫﻨﮕﺎﻣﻲ ﻛﻪ ﻓﺮﻳﺎﺩ ﻣﻴﺰﺩ ﺣﻴﻮاﻥ ﻣﺘﻮﺟﻪ ﺷﺪ ﻛﻪ اﻳﻦ ﺁﺩﻣﻬﺎ ﻫﺴﺘﻨﺪﻧﺪ ﻛﻪ ﺁﺩﻡ ﻫﺴﺘﻨﺪ و ﻧﻪ ﺁﺩﻣﻬﺎ ﻛﻪ ﺣﻴﻮاﻥ ﻫﺴﺘﻨﺪ و ﺑﻪ اﺷﺘﺒﺎﻩ ﻛﻠﻤﻪ ﺣﻴﻮاﻥ ﺩﺭ ﻫﻨﮕﺎﻡ ﺧﺸﻢ و ﺗﻨﻔﺮ اﺳﺘﻔﺎﺩﻩ ﻣﻴﺸﻮﺩ ﺑﺮاﻱ ﺩﻭاﻱ ﺳﻮﺯﺵ ﺩﻝ. اﻳﻦ ﺁﺩﻡ اﺳﺖ ﻛﻪ ﻫﻤﻴﺸﻪ ﺁﺩﻡ اﺳﺖ. ﻫﻤﻴﻦ و ﺑﺲ. 

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Practice in a rehab of myself

I am practicing 2 not talk I just want have two eyes open and look without love & no friendship no honesty no sympathy no help no love no love and no love.
I ve being punished by best and closest to be honest and have a big mouth to being real friend. People are running away when you are taking mirror and show them their faces to themselves, they're running away from not you but they own. They are running away from them self.  They're afraid to be killed buy their own eyes. I think the same thing happens for me beside I got a mirror in front of myself and I saw myself.  I saw a girl with a big mouth that that it doesn't stop talking. I have to learn to close it to shut it.

Thursday, April 4, 2013


اﻣﺮﻭﺯ ﺻﺒﺢ ﺑﺎ ﺻﺪاﻱ ﺁﺷﻨﺎﻱ ﻏﺮﻳﺒﻲ اﺯ ﺧﻮاﺏ ﺑﻴﺪاﺭ ﺷﺪﻡ. ﻧﻤﻜﻲ آی ﻧﻤﻜﻲ ﺧﻮﺩﻡ ﺑﺎﻭﺭﻡ ﻧﻤﻴﺸﻮﺩ ﺗﻮﻱ ﺁﻣﺮﻳﻜﺎ و ﺗﻮﻱ ﺷﻬﺮﻱ ﻛﻪ اﺻﻼ ﺗﻌﺪاﺩ ﺷﻬﺮﻭﻧﺪاﻥ ﻓﺎﺭﺳﻲ ﺯﺑﺎﻧﺶ ﻛﻤﺘﺮ اﺯ ﻋﺪﺩ ﺻﺪ اﺳﺖ ﭼﻪ ﻛﺴﻲ ﺩاﺭﻩ ﻧﻤﻚ ﻣﻴﻔﺮﻭﺷﻪ؟ ﻛﻤﻲ ﭼﺸﻤﻬﺎﻳﻢ ﺭا ﻣﺎﻟﻴﺪﻡ و ﮔﻮﺷﻬﺎﻳﻢ ﺭا اﺯ ﺭﻭﻱ ﺑﺎﻟﺶ ﺣﺮﻛﺖ ﺩاﺩﻡ ﺗﺎ ﻭاﺿﺤﺘﺮ ﺑﺸﻨﻮﻡ ﻋﺠﺐ ذهن ﻣﺎ ﺩاﺳﺘﺎﻥ ﺳﺮاﻳﻲ ﻣﻴﻜﻨﺪ

ﭘﺴﺮﻛﻲ ﻛﻤﻲ ﻛﻨﺪ ﺫﻫﻦ ﺳﻌﻲ ﺩاﺷﺖ آﻭاﺯﺑﺨﻮاﻧﺪ ﺑﻪ ﺧﻮﺩﻡ ﺧﻨﺪﻳﺪﻡ اﻣﺎ ﺩﺭ ﻳﻚ ﻟﺤﻆﻪ ﻳﺎﺩﺁﻭﺭﻱ و ﺣﻤﻠﻪ خاطرت از ذهن خسته و پر از مشکلات و مسايل آدم بزرگها ﺑﻪ ﺳﺎﻟﻬﺎ ﻗﺒﻞ پرتاب شدم. این روزها سعی میکنم کمتر به گذشته فکر کنم چون دلتنگیهایش آزارم میدهد اما وقتی خاطرات حجوم میاورند همانند ماشین ترمز بریده کنترل از دست خارج میشود ؛؛ﺧﺎﻧﻪ ﺧﺎﻟﻪ ﻣﺴﻲ ﻇﻬﺮ ﺗﺎﺑﺴﺘﺎﻥ

 ﻣﻦ و ﭘﻮﭘﻚ ﺑﻌﺪ اﺯ ﻳﻚ ﺻﺒﺢ ﺧﺴﺘﻪ ﻛﻨﻨﺪﻩ ﺩﺭﺧﻴﺎﺑﺎﻧﻬﺎﻱ شلوغ ﺗﻬﺮاﻥ ﺗﺎﺯﻩ ﺧﻮاﺑﻴﺪﻩ ﺑﻮﺩﻳﻢ ﻛﻪ ﻳﻚ ﻣﺮﺗﺒﻪ ﺻﺪاﻱ ﺑﺴﻴﺎﺭ ﺑﻠﻨﺪ ﻧﻤﻜﻴﻪ... ﻧﻤﻜﻲ... ﺁﻱ ﻧﻤﻜﻲ...ﺧﺎﻧﻢ ﻧﻤﻜﻴﻪ... اﺯ ﭘﺎﻳﻴﻦ ﺳﺎﺧﺘﻤﺎﻥ ﺑﻪ ﺩاﺧﻞ اﺗﺎﻕ ﺷﻠﻴﻚ ﺷﺪ.ﭘﻮﭘﻚ ﭘﻨﺠﺮﻩ ﺭا ﺑﺎ ﻋﺼﻴﺎﻧﻴﺖ و ﻣﻴﺎﻥ ﺧﻮاﺏ و ﺑﻴﺪاﺭی باز کرد و ﺻﺪا ﺯﺩ ﺁﻗﺎ ﻣﻴﺪﻭﻧﻲ ﺳﺎﻋﺖ ﭼﻨﺪﻩ؟ اقلا ﺑﻠﻨﺪﮔﻮت ﺭا ﺧﺎﻣﻮﺵ ﻛﻦ ﻣﺮﺩﻡ ﺩاﺭﻥ اﺳﺘﺮاﺣﺖ ﻣﻴﻜﻨﻨﺪ

ﻣﺮﺩ ﻧﻤﻜﻲ ﺑﺎ ﻫﻤﺎﻥ ﺗﻦ و ﺻﺪاﻱ بسیار خاص و ﺑﺎﻣﺰﻩ ﻓﺮﻳﺎﺩ ﺯﺩ ﺧﺎﻧﻢ ﭘﻼﺳﺘﻴﻚ ﻧﺪاﺭﻳﻦ. ﭼﺸﻢ ﺁﺭاﻡ ﻓﺮﻳﺎﺩ ﻣﻴﻜﺸﻢ حالا شما از مادر بپرس پلاستیک ﻧﺎﻥ ﺧﺸﻚ نداره. ﺻﺪاﻱ ﻣﺮﺩ ﺑﻪ ﻗﺪﺭﻱ ﺑﺎﻣﺰﻩ ﺑﻮﺩ ﻛﻪ ﻫﺮدوی ما زدیم زیر خنده و صدای غش غش خنده مان ﺑﻪ ﻃﺒﻘﻪ ﭘﺎﻳﻴﻦ ﭘﺮﺗﺎﺏ ﺷﺪ.ﺻﺪاﻱ ﺧﻨﺪﻩ های ﻣﺎﻥ ﻫﻨﻮﺯ ﺗﻮﻱ ﮔﻮﺷﻢ هست

بی پروا خندیدن اون کاری که این سالها مخصوص آدمهای بخصوصی شده ﻣﺮﺩ ﺷﺮﻭﻉ ﺑﻪ ﻓﺮﻳﺎﺩ ﻛﺸﻴﺪﻥ ﻛﺮﺩ و ﺁﺭاﻡ ﺁﺭاﻡ ﺩﻭﺭ ﺷﺪ ﻫﻤﺎﻧﻨﺪ ﺧﺎﻃﺮاﺕ ﺯﻳﺒﺎ و ﺷﻴﺮﻳﻦ و 
ﺳﺎﺩﻩ که میایند و میروند و محو میشوند ﺩﻟﻢ ﺑﺮاﻱ ﺑﭽﻪ ﮔﻴﻬﺎﻳﻤﺎﻥ ﻭﻟﺤﻆﻪ ﻫﺎﻳﻲ ﻛﻪ ﺑﻲ ﭘﺮﻭا ﺑﻪ ﻫﺮ ﻣﻮﺿﻮﻉ ﺑﻲ ﻳﺎ ﻛﻢ اﻫﻤﻴﺖ اﺯ ﺗﻪ ﺩﻝ ﻣﻲ ﺧﻨﺪﻳﺪﻳﻢ

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

A nation who lost their smile

I really don't know what happened to our smile! Where did we lose it! When we lost it! why we lost it! who took it away! Are we going to continue like this and lose the rest of our life without smile! We are the nation that use to be alive with smiles!

Why did we give up finding it?

We have been nagging and complaining for years and years about everything from the people of inside and outside our country. Complaining and spelling all of the wrong aspects of Islamic revolution. Wishing for another big change in our country to happen this year or next year! Making jokes and fun out of each subjects as an alternative fun subjects to  be able to handle hardship days. Bury our sons, daughters, mothers,fathers and friends after war with foreign and inside objects.   But we have never done anything serious....
Non of us.
Instead we lost our smiles.
We just wasted our life hoping. What kind of nation are we? We have been criticized by each others beliefs, religion, outfits, friendships, even food that we are eating. And we never gave up on that in our own ways. This is our beautiful habit or culture which we are adopted and we're proud of it so much. We are proud of our nation because we believe that we have a long history and great kings and kingdoms.
We made Ahura Mazda's statues and other Persian icons to carry as a symbol of sophisticated, educated and modernized nation. We are proud Persians and we wear our symbol of ancient and glorious histories close to our heart and we believe in it. But the only things that we don't do is to be the nation that we think we are. By looking at inside and outside our country we can feel the separation of our nation.
Please don't deny it.
We don't love each other anymore why we are acting as one nation! Why we are trying to proof to the world that we love our country! No we love ourselves more than our country. Please don't deny it look inside yourself what do you see what do you smell! Go back and watch ourselves in our loneliness in our wall  of a Persian, Iranian person. What do you see! Do we really love our country?
I think this is a reason that we lost our smile and we're not going to find it.

Friday, February 22, 2013

Moment that it should'nt end ever

Life is the moment that you don't want it to just be ending. When you hold a loved one and squeeze them hard, kiss thy lips softly and feel the warm hug while you are watching hot tea vapors evaporate on the table with music playing in the background that should be playing forever. That's the life! Life is that moment that you don't want to be ending ever.

ﺯﻧﺪﮔﻲ ﻫﻤﺎﻥ ﻟﺤﻆﻪ اﻱ اﺳﺖ ﻛﻪ ﺩﺭ ﺁﻏﻮﺵ ﻋﺰﻳﺰﻱ ﺁﺭاﻡ ﺧزﻳﺪه اﻱ و ﮔﺮﻣﺎﻱ ﺗﻨﺶ ﻫﻤﺮاﻩ ﺑﺎ ﺑﻮﺳﻪ و ﺑﺨﺎﺭ ﭼﺎﻱ ﺩاﻍ و ﻣﻮﺳﻴﻘﻲ ﻛﻪ ﺗﺎ اﺑﺪ ﺑﺎﻳﺪ ﻧﻮاﺧﺘﻪ ﺷﻮﺩ. ﺯﻧﺪﮔﻲ ﺁﻥ ﻟﺤﻆﻪ اﻱ اﺳﺖ ﻛﻪ ﻣﻴﺨﻮاﻫﻴﺪ ﻫﻴﭻ ﮔﺎﻩ ﺗﻤﺎﻡ ﻧﺸﻮﺩ.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

What a comparison

It was years ago when I just moved to this country of contrast, beauty, love and hate. One day I was introduce to a house when I was walking on a high end neighborhood with the sign in front of it.
Estate sale.
Inside the house was like a museum. At first I thought : the last family member died and there were no heirs left and government is selling somebody's life history here.  It was sad all of the pictures hanging on the wall, all of the golfing stuff all of the kitchen wares, old chairs with beautiful materials and lots of hanging stuff from international trips on each corner of the house was sitting humbly to be purchased. Everything smelled so old.

Like always I tried to make stories out of the pictures to understand which type of family with what type of lifestyle was living in this beautiful beach house. I respect every family and I love their life story even it is nonsense to me. I think every item or material in the life has a meaning that is part of a moment, day or life of a person.
In the house everything was marked so cheap even family pictures with or without frames! I couldn't buy anything and I was holding my tears to not to cry and was ready to runaway from the faces on the walls but a voice woke me up. A young man who was counting cash asked me to you want to take these chairs for free? I find out that he was the son of the man who just passed away in a senior housing. He was introduced me to his sister and they start talking about my country and politics as usual.  I was holding my stomach hard to not throw up on the floor. I was afraid to ask them how you can sell your parents stuff that easy! Why you're not taking pictures out of the wall and save it for yourself! I said goodbye politely and left empty hands and broken hearts.

Time goes by, now I lived in the United States long enough to understand the big differences between our culture and them. I change my life plan my goals to live close by my parents and my loved ones because they are my wealth. I keep my family pictures like jewelries always, I save our family stories and memories in the safest place even after living close to a different beliefs and culture.
I never was able to digesting the differences but another interesting story like my past experience was happen so close to me.
My parents have a skinny, tiny, kind woman as a neighbor. They started a very interesting relationship with each other a while ago. Everyday they were exchanging food, food recipes, cook books, cookies and candles or gifts and lots of thank you notes.They were talking to each other while they couldn't understand each others because of the language  differences. It seems it was enough for them to be close friends. 

Four years past, every time that my parents were leaving for a trip she was worried about them to comeback safe and she was calling me or my sister to get news from them. She was praying for my mom to come back soon. At my parents house if they were realizing that she is not being seen for two days they were worried for her. She finally got sick, really ill. Her daughter showed up after years. Trying to help her but she was helping her with a strange way. I'm not going to details! But she now decided that they have to put her in a Senior Day Care,because she's losing her job and she can not take care of the mom more than a month. 

When I asked her daughter why you have to take her to daycare? Is there any way that you can hire a nurse at home? She told me that she is going to die soon this is the best for her. They took her to the hospital and left her there. Then daughter and son started cleaning and emptying her house even when she is still alive. We saw her come back from the beach with swim suit and very happy. I was trying to explain to my parents that this is normal for them please try to understand it, you can not do anything legally.
Today my mom called and complained about another story behind the walls. She was just saying that daughter is cleaning her house completely and giving away her stuff to Salvation Army!  My dad was upset that daughter was put all of the pictures in the trash can outside! 

For my mom & dad it was the the first harsh experience but I knew it very well.
Simply we don't understand it!
I just remember sometimes that we're just going to her house and she was showing us pictures of her family members and her favorite dog , she was telling us story after stories about her life. But now her life is in the trash by her daughter's hand! 
I did cry, that is all I could do. And I did not remember when was the last time that I was cried. It did remind myself that I am still alive. At least I am glad that I don't have any kids to learn this type of ignorance.  I don't know how somebody is able to make a life vanish and destroy a life story like this.
                                                                                                                                            Feb 2013

Thursday, February 7, 2013


Sometimes I wish I would wake up from my dream I don't know how far I should go, weeks months or years but I just wanna wake up from this dream.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

You are just a lucky one. That is all.

I am tired of annoying people who are trying hard to monopolize others lives and beliefs just to earn more money.
All they see is money! Without any creativity only with their silliness and getting benefit from other silly people like them make the best out of their life and enjoy themselves so much.
I am tired of people who think most others are stupid and always criticize them for their actions and beliefs. These people are the ones who do the same thing, when the wind is blowing on the other side. They can do the same thing without any emotions. These are the people who thinks journalists ,artists or writers  are stupid because they can not make fortune money. Yes darling because they can not lie or trick people  and slave employees to work like a ...  Darling don't show off... you were lucky that you were raised in this Capitalist System. That is all!

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Fall is ended and winter is here officially.

school shooting right before Christmas.

1 of our neighbors like many others add it some symbols like candlelight to remembering  innocent kids and school staff  who were shot 1 week before Christmas. I hope Americans realize the necessity of gun control but I doubt it

Saturday, December 15, 2012

ترشی مخلوط Persian traditional pickles

My first time making pickles. It was an interesting processes. I suggest you to make pickles, It helps you relax when you watch too many different colors and mixing them for a good reason.

 امروز برای اولین بار من ترشی درست کردم و تنها دلیلش این بود که افکارم را از اخبار بد کمی دور کنم چرا که معده و روده و... دیگه داشتند عربده میکشیدند.درست کردن ترشی را به شما هم پیشنهاد می کنم. به شما کمک می کند تا به تماشای مخلوط کردن رنگ های مختلف برای یک هدف کوچک مشغول کند. فکر میکنم این دلیل هر چند هم کوچک باشد کمی به ذهن اجازه فرار میدهد

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

آدمها چند دسته هستند

برای یک آقایی که من میشناسم آدمها یا خیلی پیر هستندد و خیلی سن دارند یا خیلی آدم خوب و با معرفت هستندند و یا این که خیلی مضخرف هستندند. البته هیچوقت به این شکل  دسته بندییش را ابراز نکرده من حدس میزنم. چون هرموقع در مورد کسی نظر میدهد به غیر از این کلمات چیزی بیرون نمیایید. شاید دسته بندی خیلی از آدمهای نسل قبل کشورم همین شکل و نقش را داشته باشد 

Exciting twelve twelve twelve

It will happen in another one thousand years. How lucky we are to see hear & smell today. How wonderful it is to walk, cook, shop, take picture to share and celebrate today. Aren't we proud as human beings to see such a day like today! We love coincidences and number games because we love to entertain ourselves. I have been thinking about other numbers that could and should happen today definitely. But we don't know about exact numbers of them such as: kids are being slapped by their parents. How many employees are being fired by their employer. How many woman's are being raped. How many men are losing their hope fighting cancer. How many cows, chicken & ... are being beheaded to feed human. 
How many breads are being cooked. How many hands are being burned to cook bread. How many car has been created and made by manufactures. How many accident is killing drivers and passengers who happily and unaware of next moment are watching life on 12 12 12. 
How many school boards are covered by greeting today. How many lines are being highlighted in the history books that's what humans done  in the history. How many mathematics formulas are being solved and practice to prove how statistic and wonderful our world is. 
How many kids came out from school and smoke pot with their friends and use eye drops to hide it from their parents. How many cookbooks help Moms dad's or single parents cook a different and unique food to encourage their kids to have a great nutrition food and grown up better stronger for a better life and future. How many kids are begging for food for money on the streets. How many pounds of wheat,rice, corn, potatoes, coffee, chocolate and broccoli is being harvested to how to use by human. 
We're all human birthday is full of food, stories, danger &... mysteries but who gets what it depends on where you were born. Not all of us get the same treatment from our Mother Nature&... or are beautiful earth. Some gets nothing on 12 12 12. Some have a chance to celebrate it happily even won't remember or day don't have a time to remember how wonderful is today.

It is fall here leaves are falling down personal airplane is flying above my Sky  and I'm thinking about breakfast on 12 12 12. Here it Is supposed to be a rainy day we've had enough rain so far this year I hope you get enough rain on the other side of the world and I hope you get the same treatment at least from our round and most of the time unkind earth.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Tiny evils

There a tiny evils in a skin of rabbits they're always showing off how good they are how harmful always showing a positive face but there are times that they come out from there skin and scream their personalities and a Show darkness side of  there dirty soul. This is the time that you just wanted to throw all nasty words to their face  throw up

Monday, November 19, 2012

Nothing is interesting anymore

Remember the days that we were just so excited to see a newy technology piece to come out .

I remember the day that my dad brought us a key chain which was recognize my whistle. We were running to the house to hide the key chain and find out if it is still able to hear us whistling. I remember the day that I bought a calculator for my University geology major. I was able to ccalculate almost everything so easily. We were just getting so excited for little things and now I'm looking at the store magazine page by page. It has advertisements for Black Friday from tiny pieces to big televisions which shows 3-D movies at home. I just realized that none of them is turning me on. No way.  I used to get so emotional excited about new technology devices. We are overwhelmed, we are spoiled by the big companies feed us with new technology and more demanded equipments everyday. I get whatever I want it in my little smartphone and I think I have the world in my hand but I don't even get excited for little tiny invented the machines that somebody meet somewere with lots of hope. Now a days each household has almost everything in it and everybody's using and owning mostly big screen tv's smart phones electronic coffee machine, sound systems computers Blu ray players and many more, at least United State! My question and my concern is how next  generations will be satisfied or how we can make them satisfied!

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

pencil sharpener مداد تراش

I found a pencil sharpener in my old box. I was supper excited, then I start sharpening all of our pencils all over the house which they were sitting for years so calm and quiet.

من یک مداد تراش در جعبه قدیمی ام پیدا کردم .به اندازهای هیجان زده شدم که شروع کردم به تیز کردن تمام مدادهایی که در خانه سالها آرام در سکوت آرمیده بودند

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Driving ethics

I wish it was the class every year for all of the drivers on the road to remind everyone of us what are the driving ethics. 
I am talking about those who considered driving as a fun game or revenge of their tough life.

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my birthday present

Every year around this time I get a letter from my health insurance. It is a sad reminder for me that I am aging. It is a sad minder also for a crucial & harsh capitalistic system. I'm sure who  has insurance in this country get the same letter around their birthdays.
Which other countries has the same messages in their health care system?  How much we care for each other? Is our governments (right or left, blue or red) and big business cares about average people? Are we really "we the people" yet?  Where we are? What happened to people for the people by the people? i believe it is all about how much more we can make and it doesn't matter how we make it. we do it because our law allows us. there is no way that we can defend ourselves in this system.
  we accepted it because we had to. We said it is what it is!
I'm talking behalf of myself. I feel like I'm a monkey in a big cage, and all I do is what ever they ask me to do. Even if I wanna run away from it, it's still trapped me. there is no way to exit from US economic system. I'm tired of it I'm exhausted. I don't like it.
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Saturday, June 16, 2012

No time for anything even stop and staire

So busy with silly American work life style which I am not able to finish any notes. Can I scream now? I know nothing that it could be changed near soon but at least this thought is reminding me that people who are in the same height will hear me and they don't feel lonely.We are mostly in the same boat or boat sizes.
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Sunday, June 10, 2012

A note from Oaxaca

Early morning I received lots of faxes as usual. One of them was a handwriting letter on the lined paper, so uncommon! I could not even read it because it was written in Spanish. First I thought it was a mistake and it came to the wrong number.  Then I asked from one of the Spanish /Mexican workers read it to me. Letter was from a mom to his son and she was asking him to come back.  It has no name & no address  but it was faxed from a store in Oaxaca a small town in Mexico. Mother wrote to his son" please come back home  I am scared of gangs, They are acting crazier and strangers. They are killing more and I don't feel safe."
We had to ask every single workers who is from Oaxaca! Finally we narrow it down to two.
Yes letter belongs to a man who looks fifties but he is 38! He has two sons which both of them has serious illness and they get treatments in UCLA. This man already lost another boy due to the same health problem. I asked him are you going back to your country and help your mom. He laughed and says no....
I wanted to help her years a go and bring her by crossing the border. She did not accept. Now she is older and she is not able to walk and move days to arrive here & I can not go back because I have a family to feed.
That is the end. They won't be able to see each other anymore. Because he is illegal and he cant go back and she can not come because she won't get visa easy as other nationality. 

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Friday, May 18, 2012

I don't wanna work

I'm tired my body is tired I don't wanna work. it's been almost 2 weeks everyday I'm waking up with heavy head. my buddy is telling me that it's time to stop and rest for a while. I'll be over dosing by working too much better but I have to there is no way we're on the way I can't stop working. if I stop I can survive next month. Is there any solutions. I guess not. I'm writing right now I have just half an hour to drive and I'd only time that I can talk with myself but even that time does not going to because I have to make lots of phone calls from work. I'm literally live  to work. I'm just trying to find my life myself of my dreams. I am tired of complaining to myself and not finding any solution. I'm at work now bye.

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Thursday, March 8, 2012

روز زن

همه جا پر از علامتهای ظریف ورنگهای لطیف است. آوخ. جشن برای زن بودن در این روز و در این قرن پیشرفته گی یا جشن روزی که یاداوری زن بودن است به زنان؟ چه جشنی؟

در دنیایی که زنان حتی ابراز علاقه یا ابراز نظر کردن برای آنها فاجعه میآفریند چه جشنی یا یاداوری معنا دارد. در دنیایی که هنوز زنان مورد تجاوز فکری و بدنی قرار میگیرند و از سر مظلومیت بغضشان را در گلو فرو میخورند چه جای آزین بندی است؟ در دنیای متمدن و عصر تکنالوژی و هزاران کتاب و مقاله و برنامه روانشناسی و راهکارهای نوین و اصولی چه زنانی هستندد که با ابراز کلام ازخودبیخود شده تازه به دوران رسیده و یاغی و افسار درفته خوانده میشوند. چه دخترانی که باید از خجالت و خفت ابراز کلام یا احساساتشان سر پایین بیندازند .این دختران زنان و مادران باید گل بچینند و در گوشه موهایشان بزنند و ظریفانه با هم پچپچ کنند که امروز روز من است؟

در زمانی و کشوری که هنوز برای اولین و شخصترین تصمیم یک زن در مجلس و محافل بحث میشود چه روز زنی وجود دارد. آیا یک زن حق دارد که تصمیم بگیرد که برای نه ماه موجودی را در وجود خود پرورش بدهد وبرای یک عمر زندگیش را بر پاییه این مسؤلیت بزرگ پاییه گذاری کند.تا زمانی که هنوز بر این موضوع بحث باشد روز زن روز مرد است

Thursday, February 23, 2012


All day long I only think about an apple. my buddy just want to eat apple! Apple with salt. What's wrong with me?

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Saturday, January 28, 2012

Nothing is the same as before

Not even friendship ,not love, not even time; not life nothing is the same as before. Is it just the human which is transforming to another shape or is it the technology that is taking over of everything?

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Thursday, January 12, 2012

What is the best time of the day

Thinking what time is the best time of day?

When I take dogs for walk or when I drink a hot tea at night?

Or when I lay down on the couch. Problem is I don't know where i am taking my couch next month and walk my dogs!

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Monday, November 28, 2011

Life is like a zumba class

Yes life is like a zoomba class. You have to know what are you doing you have to know what is all about. If you don't dance then you're lost if you don't look at others and do not imitad your lost. Some people r t know how to dance there is standing and a first row. they can just look at their cell phone in there all the time and enjoy it. They also enjoy them self. some orders are in the middle row just observing to do the right thing. Others are standing at the end and they don't know what they're doing, they don't even see their image in the mirror because of the crowd. If you enjoy the  life you enjoy the ride don't know how to write it or if you know how to ride it. What is matter its just enjoy it.


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Thursday, November 17, 2011

Bones and roots.

Don't give it up so easy people. I learned from the tree in my backyard. just trying to pull it out some dirt but it didn't come out I tried many times and I tried but it didn't come off. If plants are growing in the soil it is so hard to just take them out. My little plant told me "I kissed a girl in this pot and pot is on the which was reached the wet soil and soil is surrounded by the cement, there is no way to come out from here because you want to take me with you. I have very very strong roots.

I heard him but I didn't listen to him I told my plant we should live this place together. I will take your roots where ever I go. I promised and I lifted the plant. He finally came out and I bet he was screaming loud. I wanna be that strong plant to find a way to just grow my roots so strong but be flexible to move my heavy body when I have to move.

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Saturday, November 12, 2011

Andy Williams - The Impossible Dream

I feel so blue. I found this memorable songs for myself to fell better. I am sure you will love it.

To dream the impossible dream,
To fight the unbeatable foe,
To bear with unbearable sorrow,
To run where the brave dare not go.

To right the unrightable wrong,
To love pure and chaste from afar,
To try when your arms are too weary,
To reach the unreachable star.

This is my quest,
To follow that star --
No matter how hopeless,
No matter how far.

To fight for the right
Without question or pause,
To be willing to march
Into hell for a heavenly cause.

And I know if I'll only be true
To this glorious quest
That my heart will be peaceful and calm
when I'm laid to my rest.

And the world will be better for this,
that one man scorned and covered with scars
still strove with his last ounce of courage.
To reach the unreachable star.

Andy Williams - The Impossible Dream

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Fog and morning

Entering to the fog is like walking up to the pull of silky white fresh and mysteries life. Today I was driving in to the white cloud. Jazz music was playing" If I Loved You by: Julie Andrews" Smoothest of the smoothest. Then I saw two of the motorbike couple who were riding with big smiles and two big black hats which has human skeleton skull on it.Even their hats are enjoying from this ride. Fifteen minutes later still driving in the fog and see a yellow banner holding by two beautiful girls which advertising one day car wash. Life is dripping from their smiles! I wish I could stay and get the car-wash, but I have to be at work. I am still driving and suddenly sun is crossing so sharp through the window and tearing the clouds out. Wow too much beauty in just half an hour. I think I am full for today.

Monday, October 10, 2011

I learned when it was so late.

I learned that so so late! I did waste my life to be nice kind organized and loyal. At last I found out that I just killed myself. I just shoot myself with poison everyday. I changed many life's & I have to regret for my lost life and there is no turning back!

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Friday, October 7, 2011

scream of fire.

Not long ago this place was filled with orange trees. today sadly I'm looking at this place the disc burning down. Greens are all dry brown and they are just burning orange . I'm standing here listening to the sound of fire it's so powerful. Fire is so hot. This is end of the beginning. This is the end of the green and start another screen maybe darker maybe lighter. All of the agriculture people they struggle so bad. They are cutting trees and growing another products!
Economy economy economy is bad. Maybe burning treesand it will help the economy.
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Sunday, September 25, 2011

Time Machine

I think time machine was invented many many years ago. we didn't realize when we think and we travel with going back to our memories this is exactly time machine! We are searching in our filing memories then with reminding one or more we get sad or happy, angry or satisfied. planning for our future and see it, even nostalgia is the exact time machine. We feel the sadness and loneliness of our space between now and then. I think those people who never think about their passed or don't plan for future they don't have time machine on their body genetics. That's it.
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Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Don't hit the mirror in your friends head. Just show them your reflection.
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Saturday, September 17, 2011


It is night and kind of dark. Moon is shimmering. I am walking and I see one moonlit reflection on each houses shining glamorously! There is only one moon but every house has one in their window!

شب است و آسمان کمکی سیاه، اما ماه با قامتی نورانی میدرخشد . در آسمان فقط یک ماه پدیدار است اما به هر خانه که نگاه میاندازم در هر پنجره که نگاه میکنم یک ماه میدرخشد

you and me

What kind of life it is so far away far far from each other. when it's morning for you it is night for me. when I'm waking up your going to bed. then I am dark you are bright. when you're smiling I'm crying when I need your shoulders youre too far. when I'm flying you just crawling. when I want you you don't want me. when you want me I don't want to. It is raining over there it is sunny here. time goes by so fast time is running away from us. I don't even know who you are you don't even know why I miss you so much.
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Tuesday, September 13, 2011

I wanna show you u.

You don't see yourself smiling crying laughing screaming cheering.. ya gonna be my next patient. I mean exhibition .Are you ready to be healed.
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Saturday, September 10, 2011

I don't even know who I am I

I am lost. I don't know if I'm a girl or a boy? Am I Iranian or American? Am I kind or I am mean! Do I speak Farsi or I speak English. I'm a journalist or I'm a photographer or I am a TV production or video production person, office manager, or web page designer I don't know. I don't know. I don't wanna finish my master in communication. I don't know what I wanna study for my master. What major make it or bring me money money money money. I hate money but my money is grabbing my neck, twisting my arm. I like to study I like to study more and more but the majors that I like they don't bring me enough money. what should I do? I miss all of my friends which they all around the world. I am getting old and I don't get what I want it. Economy is bad and I have to wait and hold on and be patient but I can't! I'm bored I'm bored I'm bored. I want my momma. I wanna go back to my homeland country. Heee eeeeeerrd he he. I feel like I have to nag nag today can I please let me do it. Please....
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Sunday, September 4, 2011

A poem


Tonight I'm gonna have myself a real good time

I feel alive and the world it's turning inside out Yeah!

I'm floating around in ecstasy

So don't stop me now don't stop me

'Cause I'm having a good time having a good time

I'm a shooting star leaping through the skies

Like a tiger defying the laws of gravity

I'm a racing car passing by like Lady Godiva

I'm gonna go go go

There's no stopping me

I'm burning through the skies Yeah!

Two hundred degrees

That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit

I'm trav'ling at the speed of light

I wanna make a supersonic man of you

Don't stop me now I'm having such a good time

I'm having a ball don't stop me now

If you wanna have a good time just give me a call

Don't stop me now ('Cause I'm having a good time)

Don't stop me now (Yes I'm having a good time)

I don't want to stop at all

I'm a rocket ship on my way to Mars

On a collision course

I am a satellite I'm out of control

I am a sex machine ready to reload

Like an atom bomb about to

Oh oh oh oh oh explode

I'm burning through the skies Yeah!

Two hundred degrees

That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit

I'm trav'ling at the speed of light

I wanna make a supersonic woman out of you

Don't stop me don't stop me don't stop me

Hey hey hey!

Don't stop me don't stop me

Ooh ooh ooh (I like it)

Don't stop me have a good time good time

Don't stop me don't stop me

Ooh ooh Alright

I'm burning through the skies Yeah!

Two hundred degrees

That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit

I'm trav'ling at the speed of light

I wanna make a supersonic woman of you

Don't stop me now I'm having such a good time

I'm having a ball don't stop me now

If you wanna have a good time

Just give me a call

Don't stop me now ('Cause I'm having a good time)

Don't stop me now (Yes I'm having a good time)

I don't wanna stop at all

A poem


Tonight I'm gonna have myself a real good time

I feel alive and the world it's turning inside out Yeah!

I'm floating around in ecstasy

So don't stop me now don't stop me

'Cause I'm having a good time having a good time

I'm a shooting star leaping through the skies

Like a tiger defying the laws of gravity

I'm a racing car passing by like Lady Godiva

I'm gonna go go go

There's no stopping me

I'm burning through the skies Yeah!

Two hundred degrees

That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit

I'm trav'ling at the speed of light

I wanna make a supersonic man of you

Don't stop me now I'm having such a good time

I'm having a ball don't stop me now

If you wanna have a good time just give me a call

Don't stop me now ('Cause I'm having a good time)

Don't stop me now (Yes I'm having a good time)

I don't want to stop at all

I'm a rocket ship on my way to Mars

On a collision course

I am a satellite I'm out of control

I am a sex machine ready to reload

Like an atom bomb about to

Oh oh oh oh oh explode

I'm burning through the skies Yeah!

Two hundred degrees

That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit

I'm trav'ling at the speed of light

I wanna make a supersonic woman out of you

Don't stop me don't stop me don't stop me

Hey hey hey!

Don't stop me don't stop me

Ooh ooh ooh (I like it)

Don't stop me have a good time good time

Don't stop me don't stop me

Ooh ooh Alright

I'm burning through the skies Yeah!

Two hundred degrees

That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit

I'm trav'ling at the speed of light

I wanna make a supersonic woman of you

Don't stop me now I'm having such a good time

I'm having a ball don't stop me now

If you wanna have a good time

Just give me a call

Don't stop me now ('Cause I'm having a good time)

Don't stop me now (Yes I'm having a good time)

I don't wanna stop at all

Thursday, September 1, 2011

help me please.

Can you please help me to peel off this skin off me. It is tough and harsh for my body. I need somebody to know how they can just peel off skin. I needs to grow I have to grow. This body is too small for this skin. please help me.
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Wednesday, August 31, 2011

some people

Some people live underground some others are so earthy then they live on desert. Some others lives up on the air. They love to fly, but there is a string tie in their feet that is just pulling them down every single minute.
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Saturday, August 27, 2011

چه اتفاقاتی میتوانست بیافتد تا من تولد سی و نه سالگیم را نبینم

دوباره زمین چرخید وچرخید وبه زادروز متولد شدن من رسید. روزهای تولدم در دوران کودکی به جز خوشحالی و شادمانی از داشتن یک کیک رنگین ویا هدیه های تولد و بازی با دوستانم مفهومی دیگر نداشت و همه اتفاقات بد و وحشتناک دیگر دنیا برای من وجود خارجی نداشت. اون روزها ناراحتیها و دلواپسیهای من منتهی میشد به تمام شدن زودگذر جشن تولدم ویا غصه دار بودم از این که دختر خاله عزیزم و بهترین همبازی کودکیهایم چرا باید برود خانه خودشان ومن دوباره تنها بشوم و با اسباب بازیهایی که تنهایی بازی باآنها لذتی نداشت بازی بکنم. عجب دغدغه هایی داشتم و تصور میکردم که همه مشکلاتم با کمک مادر و پدرمیتواند حل شود
امسال مثل اینکه دارم جف پا دارم میپرم توی ۳۹ سالگی و تصوراتم در مورد روز تولد به نحوی غریبانه ای تغییر کرده. بعد سن سی سالگی هر سال عصبانی بودم که دارم پیرتر میشوم. اما امسال کاملا افکاری حدید در مخچه کوچک بنده متظاهر شده.افکاری کاملا متفاوت با نگاهی تقریبا خوشبینانه نسبت به دنیا.
فکر میکنم من خیلی
خوشبختر و خوش شانستر بودم از انسانهای که میشناختم یا نمشناختم . منظورم انسانهایی است که الان آن طرف آسمان آبی پرواز میکنند و دیگر این خاک آلوده را با ما تقسیم نمیکنند .احتمال این که من هم یکی از آنها بودم خیلی دور از واقعییت نبوده.میخواهم چند نمونه و دلیل که ممکن بود احتمالات تلف شدن زود رس مرا رقم بزند به ترتیب مینویسم

مثلا: در همان سالی که من بدنیا آمدم فضا پیمای آپولو پنج یا هشت به زمین نشست. اگر دانشمندان در تخمین فرود اشتباه کرده بودند احتمال اینکه بر روی سقف خانه ما فرود بیایید خیلی قوی بود. احتمال کشته شدن من وخانواده ام بیشتر چراکه این فضا پیما دویست و پنجاه کیلو از خاک ماه را غیر قانونی با خودش به زمین آورده بود
اگر خانواده من در بنگلداش زندگی میکردند احتمال داشت در طغیان آب و سیلاب سال ۱۹۷۴ کشته شویم. اما ما آنجا نبودیم و زنده ماندیم
دقیقا زمانی که من هشت ساله بودم یک آتش سوزی بزرگ در کازینو ام جی ام لاس وگاس رخ داده. اگر من اون انجا بودم چی؟ یک دختر هشت ساله معلوم نبود چه اتفاقی برایم می افتاد شاید زیر دست و پا آتش نشانهای ناشی خفه میشدم
در سال ۱۹۸۹ اگر من و پدرم به مسابقه فوتبال در انگلیس رفته بودیم ممکن بود جزو اون نودو پنج نفر آدم زیر دست و پا له بشیم و بریم تو تاریخ فوتبال . خوشهالم که پدرم هیچ موقع برای تماشای فوتبال به استدیوم نمیرفت و من را هم با خودش نمیبرد

و اما این یکی اتفاق که خیلی خیلی خیر از بالای سرم رد شده. از ترکیه که برگشتیم و هنوز عکسهامون هم چاپ نکرده بودیم شنیدیم زلزله ۷.۱ ریشتری کلی آدمها و هتلها و... را باخاک یکسان کرده. حالا که فکر میکنم عجب روزگار غریبی است و عمر ما به دنیا بوده ها

در سال ۲۰۰۲ فیلم گنگهای نیویورک به سینما آمد و من آن را خیلی دقیق تماشا کردم. فیلم مرا بسیار تحت تاثیر خود قرار داد. امروز که فکر میکنم میبینم برای چی اون روز خیلی دگرگون شده بودم. اگر من در اون سالها به آمریکا مهاجرت کرده بودم حتما قربانی گنگ وگنگ بازی شده بودم

خلاصه زندگی من سراسر شانس بوده و بس وفقط با شادی و خوشهالی در کشوری به نام ایران بزرگ شدم . زندگی من سراسر اتفاقات خنده دار بوده. مثلا زمانی که من شش ساله بودم مدرسه ما را برای شش ماه تعطیل کردند تا یک کارهای خوبی انجام بدهند که ایرانی ها در شادی و شادمانی و ثروت غوطه ور بشن. چقدر خوش میگذشت شبها وقتی کارکران اداره برق اعتصاب کرده بودند و هیچ کس برق نداشت من و بابا و مامان توی خانه زیر نور چراغ گازی تخته بازی میکردیم و ریاضی میخوندیم. گاهی هم صداهای شعارها مثل لالایی میآمد و ما بهشون میخندیدیم

بعدها اتفاقات جالبتر و هیجان انگیزتری رخ داد. ایران و عراق شروع کردن اسلحه های اضافیشون را به هم دیگه پاس دادن تا از دست این همه آهن اضافی خلاص بشن و باز هم به ما کلی خوش گذشت. مخصوصا وقتی که هواپیماهای عراقی بالای شهرمان مانور میدادن میرفتیم توی پناهگاه و هی غشغش میخندیدیم. باور کنین اگر دروغ بگم

یک مرتبه هم توی راه مدرسه با یک ماشین پیکان قرمز قشنگ تصادف کردم چون آقاهه بیچاره حواسش پرت شده بود و آمده بود توی پیاده رو. خیلی آقای مهربانی بود از توی ماشینش به من نگاه کرد و وقتی دید من حالم خوبه زودی گاز ماشینشو گرفت و رفت که حتما سر کارش دیر نرسه
الان که فکرش را میکنم تازه متوجه میشم چقدر خوش شانس بودم که تا حالا زنده ماندم و دلیلش هم اینکه من کشوری که به دنیا آمدم جای درست زمان درست بوده پس شادمان هستم که سی و نه ساله شدم چون من یک ایرانی خوشبخت هستم مثل همه ایرانی های مثبت و خوشبین و خوشبخت دیگه. ما همه خوش شانس بودیم مگه نه

What could happen in 39 years

Earth was circled and circled again and arrived to the point that I can say it is my day. Aha.. My birthday,,,,, When I was a kid on my birthday days I had so much fun and blasted. Because of the cake and birthday gifts + my parents guests and party everything was so great. No worries and if there were anything to be upset if was a short day for me to spend with my best cousin and play with our toys. I was getting mad when my favorite cousin had to go home and I didn't feel playing with my animals and cars alone. But years passes by and I grow up so fast. Problems grows with my age. I can not solve anything like before. When I was a kid with complaining to my mom or dad everything was solved right away. He he not anymore. This year I have a different feeling about my birthday. Instead of nag nagging I am thinking how lucky I am to be alive for 39 years. I am describing here that what could happen to me in 39 years.

In 1971 Apollo XVII, the last manned moon could land accidently to our home and kill all of us instead of landing back to Earth, because it was carrying 250 pounds of lunar samples.
Or if my parents would live in Bangladesh we could have been killed in Monsoon floods in 1974.

When I was eight a big fire happened in MGM grand Hotel in Vegas 89 people were killed! If I was there I could be killed by a fire fighters hammer or none trained firefighter!
In 1989 me and my dad could be killed in Sheffield England Stadium among other 95 people who were crushed in the soccer game. I am so happy that my dad never went to the soccer game stadium.

This one I think is the closest one. Right after we came back from Turkey we heard that 7.1 earthquake killed lots of people. OH! We didn't even developed our picture. Oh what a lucky honey moon trip we had.

In 2002 Gangs of New York came to theater. I watched that movie and I was amazed of story and plays. But until today I never thought that how lucky I am that I didn't born in that era! WOFFF. If I moved to United State at that time, I would have been killed definitely and I wouldn't be 39 today.
I am thinking and I see myself as a lucky woman. I survived all of these accident that could happen to me and I had so much fun in my life living in an era of revolution and 8 years of war which was more fantastic and glamorous. I remember how much fun I had when Iranian wants to create a green peaceful with full-democracy atmosphere to breath. I was playing cards and cheese with mom and my dad every-night during revolution nights when we didn't had power because of the workers strike. We were listening to the chanting of people who wants to have the freedom and we were practicing math with my parents. My school was shutdown for six months due to the transaction of changing power. More fun was ahead of us. We had so much fun-time in the war between Iran and Iraq. Oh yeh airplanes were come in the sky and were booming our cities. We were all just laughing and celebrating the fire works above us. I have lots of good memories to tell. Once I was going to school and one beautiful red car hit me on the cross walk. He He it was so funny. Poor driver he was in rush, first he looked at me and he realized that I was ok he went fast back to the street because he was late. Any way I think I have been a lucky person to make this far because I was born in a right time right place and I wasn't in a wrong places in the wrong time. I had so much great time and I don't have anything to complain. Heeee I am 39

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

I wish I could come home in the evening like my childhood days from school.
Every day mom made me and my sister two nice yummy dishes full of fruit and we were watching cartoons. No worries nothing. Live was full of simple happiness and silly problems. How can I come back to the history? how?
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Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Blue blood

Somewhere in your eyes I see a rainbow dripping from the blue sky.
My heart is taking apart.
My heart tearing apart .
Dripping blue bloods.
I'm going back to the history searching for you.
I am looking up & I see you in the mirror.
You are there I am here; but far from the rainbow.
Is it impossible to reach it at this point?
I'll give it another try.
                                                                   Maryam Nikkhah
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Wednesday, August 10, 2011

کلید lock

قفلی که کلیدش گم شده باید دور انداخت

Threw away the lock which doesn't have the key

Monday, August 1, 2011

Annabel Lee

Years a go we received a letter from one of our dear friends, Dr Soraya. He wrote us this beautiful poem of "Edgar Allan Poe". My sister which was the master of English translated the poem for us,it was so beautiful,soft and adore. But when she was reading it in English it was much, much sounds better. I am sure if you never heard of this master work of Allan Poe you will love to read it over and over again. I was searching for something else but I found "Annabel Lee" by accident.
Thanks for memories and thanks for the great poem.

Annabel Lee

It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of Annabel Lee;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea:
But we loved with a love that was more than love -
I and my Annabel Lee;
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her high-born kinsmen came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
Went envying her and me -
Yes! that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud one night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we -
Of many far wiser than we -
And neither the angels in heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling -my darling -my life and my bride,
In the sepulchre there by the sea -
In her tomb by the sounding sea.

by Edgar Allan Poe

Friday, July 29, 2011

I like the quality not the quantity
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Saturday, July 23, 2011

غّر نامه ..... دستگاه آدم شناسی

ای کاش یک مرکزی دانشگاهی یا فردی بودجه ای برای ساختن یک دستگاه آدم شناسی اختصاص می داد تا این وسیله ساخته میشد. احتمالا هر مرکزی که از این دستگاه ها تولید بکند از بیل گیت هم بیشتر در تاریخ اختراعات معروفتر و ثروتمند تر خواهد شد
سی و هشت سال از عمر زمین با وجود بی وجود من گذشته و از خیابان خاطراتم که میگذرم سرم آتش میگیرد. آرزوی من در آستانه تولدم این است که این دستگاه با تمام تواناییهای خاص اختراع شود تا شاید روبرو و چشم در چشم بشینم با تک تک تمام کسانی که در زندگی مستقیم و یا غیر مستقیم به من ضربه زدند و دست و پا ی مرا شکستندد و چشمهایم را در آوردند و گلویم را فشردند که نفس ام تمام شود. آرزو دارم دستگاه آدم شناسی را متصل کنم به با تمام کسانی که ادای مهربانان و دلسوزان را دراوردند و دستشان را بر روی شانه ام گذاشتندند و با دست دیگر قلبم را از سینه بیرون کشیدند. آرزو دارم آنها بشنوند که چگونه مرا تکه تکه کردند و جویدند. همانهایی که تصور دارند که صورتشان رنگ آسمان آبی است و دهانشان پر از گلهای بهاری.
ای کاش کسی این وسیله را میساخت

آرزو دارم به تاریخ باز گردم و به آن آموزگاری که مرا برای شیطنت های کودکانه ام تنبیه کرد نشان دهم که چقدر وجود خود او همانا خود شیطان بود. آرزو دارم که به سالهای جوانی باز گردم و صورت برافروخته آن مهربان فرد بزرگ فامیل را به دیوار بچسبانم و آن دستگاه انسان شناسی را به پشت نخاعش وصل کنم تا تیر بکشد هر انچه در هیکل ناتمیزش غوطه ور است. میخواهم دستگاه بابت تمام کج گویی هایش که بر زیبایی و شوقزدگی جوانی من روان داشت فریاد بکشد. میخواهم به او یاداوری شود که فرزندش نابه کارانه و نابابترانه بود چرا که اینچنین پرورش داده شده بود حسودی و خودخواهی و تنبلی را از تو آموخته بود .چرا برای دل خوشی وجود خودت مرا سوزاندی و در هر مجلس و مهملی اسم مرا در دهانت غل غل کردی تا سوزش روح خودت تسکین یابد. برای تو عزیزی مینویسم که همیشه با وجود حرفها و متلکهای بنفش تو باز هم دوستت داشتم و دختر تو عزیزترین دوست من بود. تو مهربان مریض بودی و مریضیت همانند انگل گوشت خوار به اما و احشائ تمام فامیل نفوذ کرد و همه را آزردی اما همه به تو احترام روا داشتند و دوستت داشتندد. دلت نشکند میخواهم به تو بگویم که تو تنها نبودی. اعضای دیگر فامیل هم همانند تو و همانند همان کرمهای انگل در گوشت و پوست و خون همدیگر فرو رفتند و آلودگی روح تیره رنگشان را به یکدیگر منتقل کردند. تو تنها نبودی. اگر من روزی دستگاه انسان شناسی را داشته باشم به تک تک افراد فامیل که باورشان دوستی بود اما دلشان مالامال از کمبودهای شخصیتیشان نشان خواهم داد که قاتلان جامعه کوچک فامیل همان آنها بودند

عزیزان نزدیکتر از مژه دلشکسته نشوید که این فقط شما نبودید که حتی آدمهای بدون صورت در کوچه و بازار و دوستان همبازی ام در مدرسه هم مرا از تیرهای خاردار و برنده محبت خود بیدریغ نگذاشتند. همان مهربانیهای خشن و گاه فلج کننده را هم با مهارتهای خاصی بر میانه شخصیت و موجدیت من فرود آوردند یکی پس از دیگری و هر کدام با من دلداری و همدردی کردند برای مرحم زخمهایی که دیگری بر پیکرم وارد کرده بودند. اما زخمهای تازه بر پیکرم نشاندند تا خودشان خوشحال باشند

آرزو دارم دستگاه آدم شناسی اختراع شود تاآن را متصل کنم به خانم روانشناس بسیار محترم و بسیار معروفی که مرا به روش خودش تنبیه کرد تا ادب شوم. خانم دکتر زمانی که تو از من استفاده کرده تا از اسرار فرد دیگر مطلع بشوی و استفاده کنی و در اخر مرا با رودربایستی با خودم درگیر کردی تا به هیچ تفکر نکنم و تو با دسنتهای آلوده همچون مگس که از روی مدفوع به اجبار و غم بلند میشود بلند شدی تا طعمعه دیگری بیابی و خود را مشغول نگاهداری یادت میاید. ای وای به دانشگاهی که به تو و دکتران همانند تو مدرک دکترای روانشناسی اعطا کردند

آرزو دارم که روزی بییاید که با ماشین انسان شناسی بتوانم بشنوم چرایی رفتار زنی بنام مادر... مادر همکاری که سایه به سایه دخترش در خیابان ها می امد تا بداند که فرزندش کجا میرود و با که نشست و بر خواست دارد مبادا که فاسد نشود و هرز نرود.
این مادر از فرط عشق به دخترش حتی حاظر شد که هر مانعی که بر سر راه دخترش باشد نابود کند حتی اگر رقییب عشقی دختر رویا پردازش یک انسان باشد. چرا که خداوند بهشت را زیر پای مادران بنا نهاده و مادران انسانی همچون مادر خرس شکار میکنند و میدرند تا فرزندشان سیر شود. دخترک بسیار جوان عاشق شد به مردی که به من عاشق شد و من از همه جا بی خبر کورمال کورمال در دنیای کار و خلاقیت حتی یادم به عاشقی نبود. آن سال من نمیدانستم که میتواتنم عاشق شوم و حتی نمیدانستم که مادر به خانه معشوق خیالی دخترش و همسر مرد به عنوان شخصی ناشناس هشدار میدهد که من مانع عشق همسرش به او میباشم. بیچاره من که نه میدانستم که مرد عاشقش ام بوده و دم بر نیاورده. سالها بعد راز او بر ملا شد که بسیار دیر بود. همکارم یعنی همان دختری رویایی و مادر بسیار مهربان دستان خود را به دروغهای بزرگ آلوده میکنند و آتشی خانمان سوز در خانه مرد روشن میکنند. همسر مرد همچون ببر زخمی دست به چاقو میشود تا عشقش را با فرو کردن آن در دستان پرکار مرد اثبات کند. این جا است که شاید ماشین انسان شناسی آژیر خطرش بلند میشود. اما ادامه داستان به نفع مرد تمام میشود. او شهر کوچک را ترک میکند و به دنیای بزرگتر که به آن تعلق داشته باز میگردد. او با این جا به جایی راههای موفقیت را با سرعت میپیماید و پله ها را چهارتا چهارتا بالا میرود. مادر, دختر عاشقش را غمگین میکند و من باز هم کمرم خم میشود.

اگر روزی دستگاه انسان شناسی ساخته شود آن را همینجا متصل میکنم به درب خانه آنها. آنهایی که فرزندانشان را از روی جهالت به فناکده کشاندند. انقدر سنگ علی شریعتی را به سینه زدند و از محمد و دین دفاع کردند در مقابل دشمنان دین و خدا جنگیدند که چاقویشان از اشتباه گردن خودشان را زد. دخترک بزرگترشان با هزران آرزو هنوز در سن سی و چند سالگی همانند کودکی هشت ساله در جامعه رفت و آمد میکند و سرگردان و حیران از آینده و ترسان با گذشته و افکار مادر و پدرش زندگی میکند.
شاید خواننده های این صفحه باور نکنند آنچه را که میخواهم بنویسم گاهی حتی خود م هم باور نمیکنم.
انسان موجود غریبی است و تفاوتش با حیوانات استفاده احساسی از عقل میباشد اما بیشتر اوقات انسان از ورای آن هم ماورا تر میرود و برای رفع تعفن تن گندیده اش خود ش را به شدت تکان میدهد تا همه جا را هم وزن و هم بوی خود بکند
بازگردم به داستان خانواده گم و گیج نزدیک خانه ما. داستان پیچیده زندگی آنها با مریضی اعصاب و روان فرزند دوم آنها تبدیل به یک کلاف گره خورده شد. روز به روز همه رفتارهای آنها مرموزانه تر شد. آنها تصور میکردند که همانند کبک وقتی سرشان را در برف فرو ببرند هیچ کس آنها را نمیبیند. و اما داستان این خانواده چه ارتباطی با مشکلات من دارد! نمیتوانم . نمیتوانم چگونه مطرح کنم که حداقل خودم حالت تهوع مرا فرا نگیرد.
کوتاه سخن. شاید باور نکنید این خانواده خیلی خیلی خدا دوست برای آرام کردن دردهای بی درمان خود با تهدیدها و داستان سراییهای خراب کننده با تلفنهای ناشناس تلاش میکنند که من و خانواده مرا به نابودی بکشانند. این جا آن جا همه جا دوستان نادوست و اقوام بی قوم مرا تکه تکه میکنند تا خودشان سیراب شوند. شاید دستگاه انسان شناسی همانند آیینه روبروی صورت آدم ها به آنها چهره واقعیشان را نشان دهد تا از کثافتهای وجود خودشان استفراغ کنند. مطمئن هستم این مهربانان از آیینه فرار میکنند یا اگر خود را در آن نگاه میکنند گلستان پر گل در اطراف خود میبینند.

دلم گرفته و داستانهای زیادی از جلوی چشمانم میگذرد. میدانم شما هم از تیرهای مهربانانه دوستان و اقوام در امان نبودید و نخواهید بود و شما هم خواسته و ناخواسته تبدیل به مرده خواری میکنید و زندگی عزیزترین های زندگیتان را یا دوستانتان را تکه تکه میکنید و شما قاتل خواهید بود بدون محکمه
این مطلب ادامه دارد

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Many social networks but I need friends that I can see, laugh and cry on their shoulders.No point to have many unavailable friends on screen
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Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Confession اعتراف

من می خواهم اعتراف کنم. باورها و اهداف من در زندگی مورد تجاوز قرار گرفته است. این اتفاق نه یک بار و نه حتی دو بارکه بارها تکرار شده. در دنیا کسانی که به آنها تجاوزمیشود حماییت میشود و حتی شخص متجاوز با اشدد مجازات به زندان میرود و در برابر قانون زانو میزند. اما چگونه میتوانم متجاوزان خودم را به محکمه ببرم؟ به چه عنوان باید از آنها شکایت کنم؟
میدانم که چنین امری غیر ممکن به نظر می آید بنابراین نمیتوانم نقش شاکی را بازی کنم. اما دیگر به هیچ کس اجازه نخواهم داد که به افکارم و هویتم تجاوز کند. نه من دیگر اجازه نخواهم داد که حتی عزیزترینها و نزدیکترینها یا غولهایی با دل موش و حتی شغالان رنگین کمانی دستشان به تار موی افکارم برسد. دیگر نقش کسی که مظلومانه برای پافشاری در شعور و با فرهنگی خود دارد زندگی را بازی نخواهم کرد. تمام کسانی که جنایت کارانه در طول مدت زندگی من با ملایمت یا نامهربانی یا آنانی که تصور داشتند که تحمیل اعقاید آنها برای منافع من است باید آماده این جنگ باشند. چرا که شمشیر سنگین و لختی بر شانه هایم گذاشته ام تا قطعه قطعه کنم هر آن زبان و فکری که بخواهد متجاوز به من باشد.
همیشه تقصیر ما است که اجازه میدهیم که در کوچه تنهایی به ما حمله ور شوند زمانی که با ترس در چشمان
دریده اشان خیره نمیشوی و نشان نمیدهی که میتوانی درنده تر باشی گوشت و پوست تو را دریده اند و تو بیدار میشوی و سر بریده و تن تکه تکه شده آرزوهات را روی خاک سرد میبینی

I want confess here that I my beliefs and has been raped. It didn't happened once, not even twice, It is been many many times. Those are being raped are having organizations and they can get help from doctors or... Also they can sue the person who assaulted them with felony charges but I can not and I will not. I think I won't because I realized that it is always my fault.But I will not let anyone to even get close to my goals or beliefs.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Photographers and writers

Difference between photographers and writers are defining by simplicity From photographers Photos Writers are defining everything with details. I don't know about writers which are taking pictures also!
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Saturday, May 21, 2011

life is too short for some.

Rest In Peace Nicholas Joel Haverland

Quality of life is important not the length.
کیفیت زندگی مهم است نه طول آن
If you want know more about him read this article.........
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.9

Thursday, May 19, 2011

life is like an apple that falls from tree.

My mom was telling me that life is like an apple that falls from an apple tree. It is twisting and twisting and you don't know were it will come down. This transaction is super fast like our life.
I am just mad today. I can be real crazy sometimes, right!
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Monday, March 7, 2011

Are women equal with men? Are women equal with men? Are men equal with women or men are more equal? آیا زنان برابر با مردان هستند؟

همانند جامعه سیاهان آمریکا و داشتن تلوزیون سیاهان (بلک اینترتینمنت) من هنوز معنای روز زن را هضم نمیکنم. به نظر من پیشرفت در شعور انسانی و مساوات از آن جایی میایید که اگر روز زن هست باید روز مرد هم باشد. چرا نیست برای اینکه مساوات برقرار نیست واین روند در مقایسه با تاریخ طولانی جهالت بشری بسیار سریع به نظر میرسد. اما چرا سرعت تغییر افکار جهانی با همان سزعتی که کاربران سلفون یا کامپیوتر در دنیا رشد میکند برابر نیست. چرا انسان که ماشین خلق میکند و انسانی که ماشین را به عنوان ابزار استفاده میکند به همان سرعت در راه پیشرفت اخلاقیش تلاش نمیکند. تا هنگامی که در کشورهای جهان , زنان باور به تساوی نداشته باشند و در این راه قدم نگذارند چگونه میتوان جایگاه زورگویانه مردان را که هزاران سال در ان تکیه داده اند به دو تکه تقسیم کنیم و در کنار آنها بر روی یک صندلی بشینیم و زندگی مساوی و مشابه را روبروی هم داشته باشیم. در جامعه های پیشرفته ای که هنوز روانشناسان آن معتقد هستند رنگ صورتی مورد علاقه دختران و رنگ آبی مورد پسند پسران است و شرکتهای اسباب بازی سازی عروسک را برای دختران وماشین را برای پسران طراحی میکنند زن چه مساواتی میتواند داشته باشد

در ایران فقط 13درصد از زنان ايراني مشغول به كار هستندد اما مقصر کیست؟ مقصر جامعه ای است که به زنان کار نمیدهد یا مردانی که اجازه کار کردن به زنانشان را نمیدهند یا زنانی که به تنبلی عادت کره اند و ترجیحشان این است که بهتر است که این تساوی فقط در بعضی موارد وجود داشته باشد. روند رشد فکری ما(زنان و مردان) بسیار کند پیش میرود و دلایل آن هم بسیار فراوان است که اسباب بازی منتقدان سیاستمداران و فعالان زنان و حافظان حرمت انسانی است. اما تا از خودمان شروع نکنیم این تساوی در حد یک ایده زیبا و قرن بیستمی باقی خواهد ماند

فردا نه امروز

مریم نیکخواه

Are women equal with men? Are men equal with women or men are more equal?

Each country has it own constitutions , history and culture but history has been harsh with women from the beginning. Why this non sense, unequal and unfair life continued so long?

Simple answer in our Iranian school books were repeatedly says that: Because women are emotional, woman's should be mom, produce milk and taking care of babies for 9 months and they are not able to function the same as men all life long.

Now we are living in a 21th century and we have almost one hundred years of fighting for woman's right history. We want to see men and women are equal. How many percentage of these goals were ever reached and what country or what culture achieved more.

Where we are standing now ?

Where should we start?

We can not ignore all of the leaders life achievements and victories for one step ahead toward this awakening. But how close we are and how much more time we should waste? As long as women don't believe it and don't act like a man and do not stand in one shadow or height this fight won't go anywhere.

We are living in a society that sociologists say girls like pink more likely and boys have more attract to blue, but they don't mention that girls for years had to chose pink and they have been told that they should be soft and boys have been encouraged to be harsh and tough.

In most of the developed countries toys for boys are cars or guns and toys for girls are dolls or kitchen tools. How in this society that it is been divided and defined the description of a boy or girls position in a future with branding in their head .... can wish for an equal future?

In Iran only 13% of women are working outside their homes! Why? Is this because their men don't allow them to work outside home or society don't give them this opportunities or it's just women who feel like they don't want to work and they want to be lazy. Are these women prefer to have equality only on some parts(segments) of their life?

Until we have Women 's Day while there is no Men 's Day we are not moving toward equality. It is just like Black American who has Black Entertainment Channel which is showing all of the black movies, black music , black food recipes and black history. As long as we divide us from other group it means that we see each other divided.

If women and men don't believe the meaning of the equality today and don't practice it today; tomorrow won't come and it takes forever to fight for something that women can achieve today.

Why people around the world don't change their views and beliefs with the same speed of technology? Human make and create technology and use it for his and her own benefits. How many cellphones and computer users around the world and how fast they are switching to the new devices or units? Why don't they change their observations and behavior towards equality with the same speed?

Why tomorrow.... do it today.

Maryam Nikkhah March 7/2011

Sunday, February 6, 2011



See the dew on the sunflower
And a rose that is fading
Roses whither away
Like the sunflower
I yearn to turn my face to the dawn
I am waiting for the day . . .

Not a sound from the pavement
Has the moon lost her memory?
She is smiling alone
In the lamplight
The withered leaves collect at my feet
And the wind begins to moan

All alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
I was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again

Every streetlamp
Seems to beat a fatalistic warning
Someone mutters
And the streetlamp gutters
And soon it will be morning

I must wait for the sunrise
I must think of a new life
And I mustn't give in
When the dawn comes
Tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will begin

Burnt out ends of smoky days
The stale cold smell of morning
The streetlamp dies, another night is over
Another day is dawning

Touch me
It's so easy to leave me
All alone with the memory
Of my days in the sun
If you touch me
You'll understand what happiness is

A new day has begun

Monday, January 17, 2011

سکوت صبح را دوست دارم

هنگامی که لحظه ای مییابم تا سکوت را مزه کنم آن هنگام است که میدانم هنوز زنده و شادمان هستم. هنوز جانی دارم که طبیعت را بچشم. صدای آواز پرنده ها لحظه تنهاییم را آذین بندی میکند . زبانشان را نمیفهمم اما هر آنچه که میگویند زیبا است و گوشهای من را نوازش میدهند. و امروز برای من روز زیبای دیگری است. همانند این است که از خواب ده ساله بیدار شدم. خستگی نتم از خواب طولانی کوفته است اما دوباره همان مریم خواهم بود. دلم برای دیوانگی هایم تنگ شده بود. چقدر امروز روز زیبایی است